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I had never felt worse in my entire life. This was almost inevitable. I felt my life slipping away from me. All I could think was that I wanted to see my child’s face before I closed my eyes, I whispered my wish and the nurse standing next to me nodded lightly and obliged…

I looked at who was, until this miracle came, the only person I loved in life so much that it hurt. His eyes were fearful as he began to walk toward me, everything seemed to slow. I knew he knew, and all I wanted to do was be strong and be there for them but I knew that wasn’t possible anymore. They brought the baby swaddled  in a light colored blanket. I was surprised that his eyes were so big, wide open staring into my face. Remember me baby, just remember me. I took him from her in my arms and he felt so heavy, that’s when I really knew that I didn’t have time. Nathan leaned over and kissed me lightly and I smiled at how great that felt, and how amazing that moment was and it hit me suddenly that I would have no more moments like this…

And as the regret and sadness began to set in I felt myself going, I wrapped his little hand around my finger and I looked up at Nathan and I knew that they were going to be fine without me. I felt peaceful, as I watched his tears stream. The nurse took him from my arms, I smiled at my baby boy at my hysterical husband. He reached for me as  my eyes closed, and I desperately wanted to reach back, but I couldn’t.  I wasn’t sad because even if I wanted to be, the peace that fell over me wouldn’t allow it. So I succumbed. And just like that I was gone. And my baby was here.

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